May 25, 2020
Dear Friends:
Control is a tricky issue. Each of us needs to strike a balance between having no control whatsoever and having too much control. In 1984, Laudenslager and Reite conducted studies on rats to gage the impact of control (or lack thereof). In the study researchers kept rats in cages that had a mild electrical current running through the floor. One rat had access to a wheel, and when it was turned, the electrical current in both cages was cut off. Each rat experienced relief when the wheel was turned, but the rat that did not have control over the wheel developed ulcers and had a lowered immune system compared to the rat that controlled the wheel (Laudenslager and Reite, 1984).
The same is true with humans. We do not thrive when we have no control over our lives (regardless of whether the lack of control is real or perceived). On the other hand, the desire to have ultimate control over every detail of our lives can create anxiety. The more control we get, the more we discover new things over which we feel we must gain control. A part of this control is “a need to know” which is a reaction to the Intolerance of Uncertainty. With control, as with many other issues in life, an all-or-nothing approach is not healthy. Finding the balance between that over which I do have control and letting go of what I don’t is a crucial element in mental and spiritual health.
The Intolerance of Uncertainty and a desire for control are not new to modern life. There are several Biblical examples of the Intolerance of Uncertainty, the desire for control, and how Bible characters reacted:
In the story of Adam and Eve, when the Serpent suggested that God was withholding good—having the knowledge of good and evil—Adam and Eve acted in a way to eliminate uncertainty by eating the fruit so they could see the outcome rather than waiting to see if God was good.
When Moses was on the mountain with God, the Israelites were unsure because they could not see God nor what Moses was doing. Not in control of what was happening, and trying to make the uncertain certain the Israelites tried to gain control by making a golden calf that they could see creating a false sense of control.
Once God led the Israelites out of bondage in Egypt, not knowing the plan of how God was going to provide for them, the Israelites came to several negative conclusions about God leading them to the wilderness to die. Because they knew what the life of being a slave entailed, the Israelites preferred to return to what they knew—they preferred bondage that they knew well over freedom that required faith.
Abraham and Sara had been promised by God to have a child, but as years went by they decided to take control. Abraham made the uncertain certain by impregnating Sara’s handmaid, Hagar to take the matter of bearing a child into their own hands.
Generation after generation have followed along the well-traveled rut of the Intolerance of Uncertainty. As advanced as we are in these modern times, our own Israelite hearts cause us to slip into these patterns of thought, unaware of the harm they cause us emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. This path seems “certain” and gives us the illusion of being in control.
Let’s tie control into our ongoing chart of worry and the Intolerance of Uncertainty:
As you can see from the chart, the desire to gain control by making the uncertain certain utilizes worry as a way to try to gain control (or at least the a false sense of control. Part of the definition of control that I use in regard to this model is “a need to know”.
“Finding the balance between that over which I do have control and letting go of what I don’t is a crucial element in mental and spiritual health.”
Below is a simple chart to help you process through what you wish you had control over, what you don’t, and what you do. The truth is, you aren’t letting go of control you don’t have, you are just acknowledging that you don’t giving you the energy and freedom to put your efforts into that over which you do have control (the right side of the chart)!
“The man who is devoted to freedom does not waste time fighting reality….” Rollo May, Man’s Search For Himself (page 121)
Blessings to you in your journey toward freedom,
Shari