May 25, 2020
Dear Friends:
I used to think that worry was something that happened to me, as in “I am worried”. That was in the old days when I processed life with a victim mentality of having life happen to me, rather than understanding that I had far more control than I thought! Today, in the light of the pandemic, there are things happening to us outside of our control, for sure! But even before our current situation, worry was a default setting in my thinking that I had learned as a very young child as a reaction to stress and difficult things that were out of my control. I grew up believing in God and was perplexed when the Bible said “do not worry” (Matthew 6:25). For me it wasn’t even “easier said than done”, and in the uncertainty of COVID-19 not worrying is even harder. Even before, for the life of me, I had no idea how to “do not”, as my negative thoughts of what had gone wrong or would go wrong plagued my thinking. Worry was a constant state of mind I could not get out of nor leave alone.
As an aside, I decided to look up the definition of the word “addiction” at dictionary.com. Here are some of the results:
- The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit forming
- The condition of being abnormally dependent on some habit
- habitual psychological or physiological dependence on a substance or practice beyond one’s control
So, though I was not ingesting any substance, I certainly fit the bill of being addicted to worry! And with stressors rising in today’s dilemma, addiction to worry is on the rise in almost all of us!
As far as defining worry, (I know that seems silly, but sometimes it is necessary to define words that are too regular….our extreme familiarity of a word or practice makes it lose its meaning), dictionary.com states that worry means to “torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts”. (We will continue throughout these blogs to view worry as a thought process.) The origin of the word “worry” comes from Middle English words of weryen, werwen, wyrwyn meaning to strangle, bite, harass. I definitely resonate with the idea of being tormented and harassed when worried. However, I need to understand that I am the one doing the harassing, only further contributing to already difficult situations! And what if worry actually becomes our nemesis in making the stress we are experiencing even worse, not better?
For me (and for many of my clients) worry was something that was plaguing me on both a psychological/emotional level and leading me toward spiritual demise. In terms of spiritual dynamics, worry was the most prevalent and consistent sin in my life (since the Bible tells us not to worry and I continued doing so). Worry was my default setting, my auto-pilot through my entire experience in life. Worry kept me from fully living in any present state. My apprehensive expectation kept me focused on the future, haranguing me about all the things that could possibly go wrong (remember my reference in an earlier post about worry’s creative way of conjuring up disaster?). Worry also sent me reeling into past experiences looking for evidence as I ruminatingly replayed the stories looking for things I may have done that would cause others to judge me or dislike me. My repetitive pattern had me stuck!
“And what if worry actually becomes our nemesis in making the stress we are experiencing even worse, not better?”
I know my own panache for worry, and I share my story to help you sort out whether or not worry is a consistent part of your reaction to life’s stressors. This blog is about you and your journey toward learning tools that will help you experience 2020 and the current situations in a whole new way and help you restore a sense of well-being in the face of your life stressors. So, I challenge you to do some soul searching to see how often and in what ways worry is a part of your life. Below is an inventory to let you explore worry as it plays out in your days.
If you find that worry is a prevalent part of your life, answer the following questions:
Do I believe that worry is helpful?
What could I do with my thoughts if I didn’t worry so much?
What is the hardest part of letting go of worry for me?
How could my experience of life be different if I weren’t worrying?
What do I think the opposite of worry is?
May this week be filled with insight for you as you explore the relevance of the role of worry in your own life!
Blessings to you in your journey toward healing,
Shari