Dear Friends:
In the post before last (#9), we explored one reaction we can have to uncertainty by taking action when we think that we can control for a certain outcome. Some of you might identify with this left side of the chart. In this post we will explore a totally different response to uncertainty. On the right wide of the chart, instead of taking action, the person becomes stymied. This is all out of a response to not being able to figure out how to get control:
The first tool listed in lack of action is procrastination:
This makes sense that if I can’t figure out how to get control, I will put off doing what I might need to do. Sometimes this is driven by worrying what others will think. Sometimes it’s driven by perfectionism and if the person can’t find the perfect way to do something, that person will delay taking action until he or she can find a perfect way. Procrastination can also be to avoid something unpleasant.
Following procrastination is distraction:
Distraction can come in a lot of different forms: T.V., technology, social media, sleeping, eating, substance abuse, shopping….the list goes on and on and on. My personal favorite is borrowed from the left side of the chart with busyness. Unlike the left side of busyness where I am doing something to get control, my busyness on this right side of the chart is to avoid dealing with something I don’t want to deal with. For example, I hate doing the work of organizing taxes (finding receipts, sorting papers, making lists and categories–ughhhh! How boring!!), but I will stay busy! Since I love to pull weeds (yes, you read this correctly! Pulling weeds is a very therapuetic task for me!) instead of sitting down and doing taxes, I will busy myself out in my yard. This busyness has nothing to do with getting my taxes organized and under control, but I am busy!!
The next tool that might be used in lack of action is isolation:
This tool is an interesting one to look at in regard to COVID 19. Used as a tool it is a choice made by a person to remove themselves from areas or interactions of uncertainty. Right now, many are feeling isolated by force, fear, or restriction. For some, this is torture sometimes creating FOMO (fear of missing out). For others, being made to stay-put is a relief because being out in the world increases uncertainty for them. Others are longing for some isolation because of the toll of being together 24/7. In general, isolation can create a false sense of control in that being isolated makes that person’s world smaller and seemingly more controllable. Isolation can be a physical or emotional removal from a person/people or events.
Another tool a person can use when they can’t figure out how to gain control is ignoring:
One of the qualities of trying to get control (trying to make the uncertain certain) is a need to know. Ignoring takes an opposite approach in trying to limit interaction with information about places, events, people, or things. An example might be that if I ignore the pile of bills on my table, it will feel like I don’t have to deal with them. Or, if I ignore what you are saying, I won’t have to respond.
Here are some questions to help you process this first list of the Lack of Action side of the chart (next post will discuss the remaining and a worksheet to help you process all of this information as it applies to your life):
What are things that I keep putting off doing? What is something uncertain about these things?
What are the ways I engage or things I do to distract myself? What am I distracting myself from? What is the uncertainty behind what I am distracting myself from?
Are there ways that I isolate from others or situations (this can be physical or emotional isolation)? How do I think this will help me by making my world smaller by isolating?
What are the things in my life I am trying to ignore? What emotion am I experiencing when I face, rather than ignore, these things? What is the uncertainty connected with these things?
As you ponder these questions I pray that your eyes might be open to these reactions to the intolerance of uncertainty. Insight into the presence of these reactions is the first step toward insight!!
Blessings to you in your journey toward freedom!
Shari